The untold secrets of domestic violence against men

Domestic violence is one of the most common forms of abuse that occurs worldwide. Although most reported domestic abuse is committed by men against women, domestic violence against men does exist and has been recently highlighted by the famous case of American actor Johnny Depp against his ex-wife, actress Amber Heard, accusing her of defaming him and harming his career.

What is domestic violence? 

According to the United Nations, domestic violence, domestic abuse or intimate partner violence is defined as “a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.” 

Domestic violence can include any member of family regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class, leading to serious physical injury, psychological repercussions or even death.

The Power and Control Wheel, developed by Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP) in Duluth, Minnesota, is categorized by the UN as a helpful tool in understanding the comprehensive pattern of abusive behaviors. 

Patterns of violent behaviors comprise of emotional abuse, undermining a person's sense of self-worth through constant criticism, psychological abuse, causing fear by threatening physical harm, financial or economic abuse, making a person financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, physical abuse, hurting a partner and denying medical care, and sexual abuse, forcing a partner to take part in a sex act without the partner’s consent. 

Domestic violence against men

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), men who are exposed to abuse and violence by their female partners can suffer rooted psychological trauma, such as post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and suicidal thoughts. 

Fouad El Hamzi, founder of the Moroccan Association for the Defense of Men’s Rights against Women Violence, told Jusoor Post that attention should be drawn to domestic violence committed against men. 

“We receive between 15 to 30 complaints daily and about 500 to 3,000 monthly from abused men in Morocco and other countries worldwide. We are the voice of those who cannot express themselves out load because of shame,” El Hamzi stressed. 

El Hamzi said that the association was founded in 2017 and currently includes 18 members, nine of whom are women who support the cause. 

He added that men suffer from psychological, financial, legal and sexual abuse. They are being cheated on, beaten, blackmailed, abused and exploited. Men are the side who lose a lot in the marriage system.

“We receive many calls from men complaining of sexual abuse. Some wives refuse to have sexual relations with their husbands until they are given money. It is a kind of prostitution,” he told Jusoor Post. 

El Hamzi pointed out that men are deprived of seeing their children as a psychological pressure by women who, sometimes, incite their children to mistreat their fathers.

“Another trick done by women is hitting themselves with a tool and allegedly accusing their men in order to imprison them,” he said, adding that “in some Arab countries, women use black magic against their men to control them like slaves. They also prevent men from giving money to their parents in need. Men are the victims.” 

He called for stopping injustice against men, who suffer in silence because they cannot reveal the secrets of their marriage in a patriarchal society that will not have mercy on them. 

“Our goal is for men and women to be reconciled and to live in peace and love. We also care for protecting children from this toxic environment,” he reiterated.

According to statistics by Al-Rasheed Center for strategic studies, a NGO based in Iraq, there were about 35 cases of violence committed by wives against their husbands in the first six months of 2021. 

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reported that approximately 1 in 10 men in the US experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Nearly 56% of men who were victims of violence first experienced it before age 25.

The other side of the story 

“Marriage is not a war,” Margaret Azar, a lawyer and former member of the Egyptian Parliament's Human Rights Committee, told Jusoor Post. “Men have many legal and religious rights women are deprived of in our Arab societies. They are more powerful, while women are fragile and need more protection.”

She said that there might be some cases of domestic violence against men but it is not the regular rule. 

Mona Ezzat, an Egyptian consultant of gender issues, told Jusoor Post that men are trying to victimize themselves in order to divert attention from the real struggle of women.

“Governments and NGOs have started to pay attention and set strategies to protect women and their rights,” said Ezzat. “However, men are blacking out such attention by focusing on individual cases of violence against men, in an attempt to gain sympathy and to claim they do not have enough power, which is not true.” 

She pointed out that if there were individual cases of violence against men, it would be a reaction of abused women due to discrimination, coercion, and stereotyping. 

Amgad Fathy, an Egyptian human rights researcher, told Jusoor Post that violence against men is rare and it has not become a phenomenon; however, a change has taken over the society in recent decades as women have become stronger and more independent. 

“I reject violence in all its forms against whomever,” he stressed, adding that media and education systems should play a role in qualifying both men and women for marriage and that the two partners should seek the advice of a specialist whenever they encounter a problem. 

“Young men and women have become so afraid of getting married because of the increasing rates of violence from both sides,” he said. 

Nasser Amin, director-general of the Arab Center for Independence of Judges and the Legal Profession and an Egyptian human rights activist, told Jusoor Post that violence against men is explicitly spoken about in societies where men and women enjoy equal rights.

“In our Arab societies, our culture prevents men from declaring that they have been abused by their wives,” he added, affirming that the cases are not numerous.